


Open up each other's world

by Kokoskwark



Series: Opposites attract [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bang Chan is Whipped, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Han Jisung | Han is Whipped, Han Jisung | Han-centric, Insecurity, Introversion, Kissing, M/M, Party, Shy Han Jisung | Han, Spin the Bottle, Sweet Bang Chan, Sweet Han Jisung | Han, author is selfprojecting on jisung, extrovert bang chan, hints at seungjin, introvert han jisung, popular bang chan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:19:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29353341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kokoskwark/pseuds/Kokoskwark
Summary: Jisung has a crush on one of his teaching assistants, Bang Chan. The problem is, Jisung is an introvert with social anxiety while Chan is popular, sociable, extroverted and has many many friends. Jisung attempts to become closer with his crush, but it's hard. Does Jisung need to accept that their differences make it impossible for them to become closer, or does it turn out that Chan actually liked him more than he initially thought?
Relationships: Bang Chan/Han Jisung | Han
Series: Opposites attract [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2156193
Comments: 37
Kudos: 136
Collections: fav





	1. They say opposites attract or something, right?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! I'm back and it's chansung!  
> I came up with this idea inspired by that time Jisung had a sort of accident with another trainee and was upset that Chan only asked the other trainee if he was okay, and I could relate to the insecurities of thinking extroverted people will get bored with me easily, find other more interesting friends.  
> Anyway, this fic doesn't resemble that particular situation at all, but I just wrote a sort of introvert vs. extrovert fic and projected my own experiences and insecurities on Jisung (but I hope he's still a bit in character dhghjdf)  
> Enjoy! I'll update once every other day!
> 
> Also, English isn't my first language so I apologize for any mistakes or awkward sentences.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chan was like that, extroverted, kind, likeable and sociable. Everyone liked Chan and Jisung was no exception. Chan had been a teaching assistant for a multiple of his courses and was always complimenting Jisung’s work and had even invited him to some jam sessions or music writing sessions with his friends a few times.  
> Jisung felt a little special and flattered by that, but he knew that Chan was just like that, kind and open and inviting to everyone, while Jisung was the opposite. Jisung was shy around strangers, he got anxious in big crowds and found it hard to make friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introduction chapter! Enjoy~

Jisung had his hand raised, looking around for any teaching assistants to see him and come help him with this theory problem he was stuck on. He saw Chan, one of the teaching assistants— undoubtedly his favorite—, talking to another student and laughing at some joke the student had made. Chan was like that, extroverted, kind, likeable and sociable. Everyone liked Chan and Jisung was no exception. Chan had been a teaching assistant for a multiple of his courses and was always complimenting Jisung’s work and had even invited him to some jam sessions or music writing sessions with his friends a few times.

Jisung felt a little special and flattered by that, but he knew that Chan was just like that, kind and open and inviting to  _ everyone _ , while Jisung was the opposite. Jisung was shy around strangers, he got anxious in big crowds and found it hard to make friends. He had a few friends, yes, one of them being his roommate, Hyunjin, who he at first didn’t click with that well with because Jisung had made a  _ bad  _ first impression and Hyunjin was sensitive and didn’t trust people easily, but luckily they quickly got past that and they were now close friends. Jisung always liked to think that that hardship made them even closer—

“You had a question, Jisung?” Chan pulled him out of his trip down memory lane and Jisung jumped a little in surprise. Jisung hadn’t even noticed him coming over to his table.

“Uhm.. yeah— uhm... it was question, uhm— question three.” He scrambled around with the question sheets and his notes, feeling his cheeks burn in embarrassment. Somehow his face always got warm when he had to talk to strangers or acquaintances or almost-friends, especially if he had to ask questions, because then the attention was on  _ him _ . 

Chan just chuckled at him, showing his handsome dimpled smile as he leaned on the table to look at the question. “Right, what are you struggling with, exactly?” 

Jisung took a moment to respond, distracted by Chan’s face, and got even more embarrassed when he realized Chan was waiting. He quickly apologized and stated his struggles with the wording of the question and that he was unsure of what the question was really asking. Chan explained it with ease, like he always did, but he also did it with an understanding tone, not making Jisung feel like he was dumb for having a question like he sometimes did. 

“That makes total sense, thank you.” Jisung nodded, a smile somehow tugging at his lips when he looked at Chan.

“No problem.” Chan smiled back with that damn sweet smile. No wonder Chan was so popular, with a smile like that he would have everyone falling for him in no time. “So you can proceed with the question now or do you still have more questions?”

“No, I think I know the answer now that the question is clear.” Jisung said, looking between his notes and Chan.

“Of course you do.” The older smiled with a wink and patted him on the shoulder before leaving to help another student. 

Jisung’s gaze stayed on him for a few moments, savoring the image of Chan winking at him and trying to calm down from it. He hated that he was so affected by the other when Chan just saw him as another friend in his endless sea of friends, or even as another student who made music he kind of liked. He shook his head to get rid of the jittery feelings and focused on his problem set again, trying to tune out Chan’s laughter and chatter in the background. 

  
  


Jisung was finished with the problems early, so he just began scribbling some lyrics in the notebook he always carried with him in case he got inspiration. Right now he was just writing mindlessly about his most likely unrequited crush on his popular teaching assistant, completely immersed in it. He always forgot all about his surroundings when he was writing lyrics, so he didn’t notice that the working class was already over, and no one told him because he had been late to the class so the only spots available were where he had to sit alone. It wasn’t like he didn’t have any friends in his classes, he did, but those friends all had other closer friends they hung out with. 

“Hey, ‘Sung. Class is over.” 

Again Jisung was pulled out of his focus by Chan standing at the table, smiling down at him, but also looking curious when his eyes fell on his notebook. Jisung quickly slammed the notebook closed before Chan could take a good look at it. Again he was feeling his face  _ burn _ . 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be nosy.” Chan chuckled and innocently raised his hands.  _ Why does he have to smile all the time? It’s not good for me!  _ “But can I ask what you were writing? Was it lyrics? Are you writing another masterpiece?”

Jisung snorted in surprise and felt himself get even warmer if that was possible. “Yeah— no, I’m not writing a masterpiece, just… just fooling around a bit, you know.” He avoided Chan’s gaze now, afraid that he would look right through him. 

“I’m sure that even when you fool around you write great stuff.” Chan patted a hand on his shoulder again, letting it rest there. “But it’s lunchtime now, so let’s feed that creative brain of yours, huh? Or did you stay here on purpose?”

Jisung looked up now and shook his head. Chan was not letting his face cool down, he never did as he always seemed to be showering him with compliments.

“No, I just forgot about the time.” He chuckled awkwardly and put his stuff in his bag at light speed, feeling like he was holding up Chan. He almost tripped over his feet as he jumped up and pushed his chair to the table. Chan quickly stabilized him and chuckled at him before they began walking to the cafeteria to have lunch. 

“Well, if you decide to finish your fooling-around-lyrics and want to make it into a song, can I see?” Chan asked as they walked. “I can also help arranging if you want, but either way I’m always interested to see what you make.” 

The comment caught Jisung a little off guard even though Chan was always eager to help and listen to things he wrote. He didn’t know if Chan did that with others too, but at the jam sessions and writing sessions there were others too, so probably he did. 

“Uhm, yeah, I don’t know if I’ll finish this, but I’ll let you know if I do.” Jisung nodded, giving a little smile to hide his uneasy feelings about the fact that he had been writing about Chan. 

“Great!” Chan seemed excited for it, judging by his wide smile, and the way Chan's eyes crinkled honestly did things to Jisung. “Well, you have my number—”

“Chan! You’re late!” Someone yelled from a table, and Chan whipped around to them. Jisung recognized the people, he had seen Chan sit with them during lunch a lot and one of them, the one who yelled, was in some of Jisung’s classes and had been at a lot of jam sessions, Changbin was his name if Jisung remembered correctly. The other two were Seungmin and Felix, from Jeongin and Hyunjin’s classes, and Seungmin was Chan’s roommate, Jisung knew. 

“Oh, sorry, you were scoring.” Changbin winked and Chan lightly pushed him. Jisung wondered if Chan often flirted with people,  _ wait _ —  _ was Chan  _ flirting _?! No, Changbin made a joke, right?  _

“I wasn’t…” Chan mumbled and turned around to softly apologize to Jisung. “Sorry— anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow in class again, Jisung? Or do you want to sit with us?” Chan gestured to his friends, who gave him some smiles. 

“Uhm…” Jisung hesitated for a moment and looked over to where his friends were sitting. He kind of wanted to sit with Chan because he wanted to get to know him better and he wanted to feel like he was more than just one of the students to him, and Chan’s friends looked nice, but he also felt like he would just sit there in silence while the rest talked because he wasn’t comfortable enough with Chan’s friends to let himself go yet. He also felt like his own friends would be waiting for him, so he decided to decline. 

“Thanks for the offer, but my friends are probably waiting for me.” He vaguely gestured to where his friends sat. “Maybe another time.”

“Of course. See you tomorrow.” Chan gave him a nod and a casual smile and Jisung quickly waved before he left.

As he walked away, he let out a breath and felt his shoulders relax. Somehow he always got a little tense from talking to people he didn’t know well, so he was glad to sit down with his friends again. 

“You’re late.” Minho commented as Jisung reached under the table to get his lunch out. “I saw you at Chan’s table, did you finally ask him out?” 

“What?!” Jisung almost bumped his head against the table as he shot up. “No, I was just spacing out writing lyrics during class, and Chan had to tell me that it was lunchtime.”

“And what were you doing at Chan’s table, then? What were you talking about?” Jeongin asked, leaning his chin on his hand. Gosh, his friends could be nosy sometimes. 

“Chan was just asking about what I was writing and if he could hear it when it was done.” Jisung shrugged and he smirked at his friends. “You know, because I’m such a lyrical genius and stuff.” He felt comfortable to joke around with them, because they knew he wasn’t serious. 

“Yeah, sure.” Hyunjin rolled his eyes, but a little amused smile was present on his face nonetheless. 

“ _ And  _ he asked me to sit with them, but I declined for you guys. Isn’t that nice—”

“You  _ declined  _ sitting with  _ Chan?! _ ” Jeongin yelled and slapped a hand in front of his mouth when he heard his own volume. “No offense, but you’re crazy. I can’t believe you’d rather sit with us weirdos than with the cool, popular, social kids, of which your crush is a part.” 

“Hey, we’re pretty great too.” Minho shot back, but Jisung was unsure if he was sarcastic or not. “But I do agree with Innie. You’re crazy.” 

They all looked at him and Jisung spluttered a bit, feeling embarrassed and put on the spot.

“You guys know how bad I am with strangers!” He defended himself.

“We know, and I get it.” Hyunjin sighed. “But you can at least  _ try! _ What happened to the Jisung who was so eager to make friends that he almost scared me away? Chan’s not a stranger and you kind of know his friends too! From what I know, Felix is, like, super nice.”

“Yeah, and Seungmin is a bit of a nerd sometimes, but he’s nice too from what I know.” Jeongin shrugged. 

“And we would understand too.” Minho added.

Jisung sighed and leaned his chin on the table, slumping forward. “Okay, maybe I should’ve accepted the offer, but it’s too late now. It’s awkward to come back now.” 

“That’s true, but you have his number, right? Why don’t you ask him to hang out some time?” Minho suggested, coming to lay on the table too and look at Jisung. “Don’t let Chan think you only see him as your teaching assistant.”

“But what if Chan only sees me as a student?” Jisung pressed his lips together and turned his head to the side and saw Hyunjin had laid his head on the table too. “We’re, like, total opposites. He’s so outgoing and I’m…  _ not _ .” 

“I agree with Minho.” His tall friend said, his cheek moving against the table as he spoke. “Don’t let your differences stand in the way of having a movie-like romance!”

Jisung turned his head away again, only to see Jeongin’s head on the table too. 

“They say opposites attract or something, right?” 

Jisung let out a big sigh. “We’re not in a movie, but okay, let’s say I would ask him to hang out. What would we do? Do I—”

“Oh my gosh, Jisung, stop overthinking!” Minho sighed and slammed his hand on the table, making everyone sit upright again. “Just go with the flow, just, like, hang out, maybe he’ll propose something, otherwise you just talk about music or something— but  _ not  _ your schoolwork! The point is to get beyond the TA-student relationship!”

“Okay! Okay, I’ll try. I’ll text him tomorrow or tonight or something.” Jisung relented, because he actually wanted to hang out with Chan and it was worth a shot. He maybe was bad at making friends, but he sure as hell would try if he thought someone was nice. 

* * *

“Okay, I’m going to text him, wish me luck.” Jisung announced to Hyunjin after dinner, lying on his bed.

“Good luck man.” Hyunjin said, but Jisung wondered if he had even heard what he had said as he was distracted by his phone. 

  
  


**chan + jisung**

**jisung :** hey chan

**chan :** hey jisung!

**jisung :** i was wondering if you wanted to hang out this saturday?

**chan :** id love to but theres this party saturday

**chan :** n i promised id come

**chan :** would you like to come too?

  
  


“Hyunjin, help.” Jisung squeaked.  _ A party?  _ Jisung kind of hated big parties because there would be a lot of people, and everyone was drinking and socialising with strangers. Jisung much rather had a small party with friends and people he knew. The fact that Chan was asking him to come probably meant it was a party where literally everyone was invited. 

Hyunjin looked over his shoulder to read the texts and shrugged. “Just say yes?”

“But I probably won’t know anyone there— wait— Hyunjin! Come with me!” Jisung grabbed his roommates’ arm and looked at him with pleading eyes. 

The taller only rolled his eyes. “Wasn’t the point of everything to have you hang out with Chan? If I come you’re only going to hang around me instead of talking to Chan. And if not, I’ll be basically alone, I don’t like parties either.” 

Jisung whined but knew that he wouldn’t be able to convince Hyunjin to come with him. Maybe it would be good to step out of his comfort zone a little and show Chan that he could be sociable too. Nevertheless he wanted to ask Minho and Jeongin to maybe come too.

**weirdos**

**jisung :** yo 

**jisung :** does anyone want to be my backup at a party chan invited me to this saturday?

**jeongin :** hell no

**minho :** nah im visiting my cats this weekend

**jisung :** right :/

**minho :** good luck tho ;)

**jeongin :** ye go get some or sumn

**jisung :** kay thanks guys

  
  


Jisung put his phone down and turned to Hyunjin again now. “So, what do I say to Chan? Do I play casual and be like ‘sure’ or do I be more enthusiastic and say ‘sounds fun!’, although that would be a half-lie—”

“Jeez, Jisung. Just say something!” Hyunjin exclaimed, throwing his hands up. “Just be yourself.”

Jisung huffed and grabbed his phone again. “Fine.”

**chan + jisung**

**jisung :** yeah sure is that okay?

**chan :** yeah evryone is invited!

**jisung :** okay nice

**chan :** yeah itll be fun! :)

**chan :** ill see you there then

**jisung :** where is it exactly?

**chan :** * location attached * 

**chan :** here but i can also pick you up if you want

**jisung :** id like that

**chan :** great! ill be at your dorm at half past eight then

**jisung :** okay see you then!

  
  


Jisung stared at the texts, his heart pounding in his chest. Chan would be picking him up as if it was a date? Would this be something he did with others or was Jisung as special to Chan as he felt?

“What are you grinning at?” Hyunjin smirked and raised an eyebrow at him, coming closer to look at the texts. “Oh my gosh! He’s going to pick you up! What a gentleman.” Hyunjin sighed and looked up, clasping his hands together. “I wish I would have someone like that too…” 

Jisung rolled his eyes but smiled at his sappy roommate, they were both kind of dramatic in their own ways, and Jisung totally felt the same about Chan picking him up, but he didn’t want to get his hopes up in case Chan was just like that. But he wouldn’t think about that until Saturday, for now he would live in his own fantasy that Chan did treat him specially and that this would be a kind of date. And that meant boasting to Hyunjin about it. 

“Get rekt, Hyunjin.” Jisung teased and stuck his tongue out. “I’m going to score before the gorgeous model-faced Hyunjin will!” 

“Ugh. I don’t want anyone if they only want me for my looks, though.” Hyunjin groaned and laid down next to Jisung on his bed to hug him.

Jisung patted his friend on the head. “You’ll find someone eventually too, Hyunnie.”

* * *

The next day Jisung didn’t have a working class with Chan before the break, so he was too scared to go up to him and ask to sit with them now. Taking social initiatives was hard for him. 

“Han Jisung, what are you doing?” Minho crossed his arms, making Jisung stop in his tracks.

“Huh?” Jisung feigned innocence. 

“Don’t act like you don’t know what we’re talking about!” Hyunjin pointed a long finger at him. “Go sit with Chan!”

“But he didn’t  _ ask  _ me this time!” Jisung whined, it was hard for him to get himself to approach people and talk to them. Usually after he made the first move it wasn’t as bad as he had thought, but still taking that first step remained difficult. “He didn’t say I could just come whenever, what if it’s weird that I just come up to them asking to sit with them? Do I need an excuse? Do I need to have something to talk about? Maybe something to ask Chan?—”

“Jisung! Just go and ask if you can sit with them, I don’t think they’ll question you.” Jeongin interrupted him. “And just talk about the party or music or us or Chan or something. Just go.”

“Fine…” Jisung sighed and started walking towards the ‘popular’ table. He got more nervous with every step he took and he hoped his throat wouldn’t close up once he would arrive, but he guessed once he would see them it would become better. 

“Hey, Jisung.” Chan smiled his lovely dimple smile. “What’s up?”

They looked at him expectantly and Jisung  _ didn’t  _ feel more at ease, but at least Chan’s smile calmed him enough so that it seemed like his voice would work. 

“Uhm, I was wondering if I could sit with you guys today?” His voice reached a ridiculously high note at the end and Jisung already felt like they were judging him. “My friends— uhm, no, yeah, I was just— just wondering, yeah.” He tried to save himself but only made it more awkward and he just wanted the ground to swallow him now. He felt like he was overheating. 

Chan only chuckled light-heartedly like he always did and patted the seat next to him. “Sure! You guys don’t mind, right?” He asked his friends, who shook their heads and sent Jisung some smiles too, making him feel a tiny bit more at ease. 

He sat down and grabbed his lunch, feeling everyone’s eyes on him and he felt the pressure to say something, start a conversation, or give some reason as to why he wanted to sit with them. 

“So, are all of you coming to the party?” He asked, proud of the good question he came up with. 

“I am!” Felix raised his hand.

“Me too.” Changbin gave a thumbs up.

“Not me.” Seungmin said. “I’m not really the party type.” 

“Oh me neither!” Jisung immediately agreed and got a few confused looks.  _ Right _ —  _ I’m going to a party tomorrow.  _ “I— I mean, I don’t really go to parties, but I’m sure tomorrow will be fun!” 

Chan frowned a little at him and Jisung felt himself tense. 

“Are you sure? You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, I mean, it was just a suggestion, we can—” 

“No, it’s fine!” Jisung assured, he really wanted to spend some time with Chan and he was looking forward to it, even though he disliked parties, but he thought maybe with Chan it wouldn’t be as bad. And Chan probably thought just hanging out would be way more boring than a party. “I really think it’ll be fun.” A little exaggeration wouldn’t hurt anyone. 

“Okay, yeah, me too.” Chan smiled with a relieved breath. “Will any of your friends come too?” 

“Uhm, no… they’re not  _ really  _ party people either. Sometimes Minho goes to one, but yeah.” Jisung shrugged. 

The rest nodded and Seungmin looked to the side a few times. 

“Speaking about your friends… is  _ that  _ them?” He pointed his thumb towards the side and Jisung looked to see his friends stare at them not so subtly and quickly look away whenever someone looked. 

“Oh my gosh…” Jisung sighed, feeling embarrassed. He turned to his friends and yelled, “Guys! Don’t stare!” 

“We weren’t staring!” Hyunjin yelled back and got a push from Minho. 

Jisung turned back and awkwardly chuckled. “Sorry, they’re weirdos.” 

“Yes we are weirdos and we’re proud of it!” Minho yelled now.  _ Jesus, how did he even hear me?!  _

“Jisung you’re weirder than me!” Jeongin added to make everything even better. 

Jisung hid his head in his hands as he heard Chan and his friends laugh.  _ Oh my gosh, everything is probably ruined now, they're laughing at me and they know I’m weird now and Chan probably wants to cancel _ — 

“They seem like nice people.” Felix snickered as their laughter died down.  _ What?  _

“A little weird, but that fits with us well, I think.” Seungmin agreed. “Especially with Changbin.”

“Yeah, they can almost yell as loud as I can.” Changbin laughed proudly. “Almost.”

“They can sit with us too if they want.” Chan offered and looked at the rest for confirmation. “We can all sit together!” 

Oh. On one hand Jisung would love that because it would make things easier for him, he would feel more at ease, but on the other hand he felt like Chan saying that meant that Jisung wasn’t special and that he would just as much like to sit with his friends as he would like to sit with him. 

“Yeah, sure—”

“YO! DO YOU WANT TO SIT WITH US TOO?” Changbin  _ screamed _ the loudest that Jisung had ever heard someone scream. Ever. And he couldn’t help but snicker at the surprised and slightly panicked looks of his friends and at the fact that Changbin indeed seemed just as weird as his own friends. 

Jisung motioned his friends over, who slowly grabbed their lunch and walked over to them, still with apprehensive looks on their faces. 

Once they sat down, everyone introduced themselves and the conversation flowed surprisingly smoothly and they quickly resorted to joking around, all laughing a lot. Jisung felt comfortable enough to crack his usual jokes and just say whatever came up in his mind, and he was happy to see that Chan and his friends thought he was funny as well. Chan even almost fell off his chair once laughing at one of Jisung’s jokes and he had to hold onto Jisung for support, so Jisung felt like his mission was accomplished. He had totally forgotten about all his worries and he even was a little bummed when the break was over and he had to walk to class together with only Chan. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is the party!


	2. Beer and Lipgloss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After that, it was Chan’s turn, and Jisung felt himself get even more nervous than he had been for his own turn, because there was a big chance that Chan would be kissing someone that wasn’t him.
> 
> “It’s the infamous Chan’s turn! Who will be the lucky one?!” Changbin exclaimed and laughed along with others. Gosh, Chan’s really that popular, huh? Jisung felt his chances diminish even more.
> 
> Chan just rolled his eyes, and even in the dim lighting Jisung could make out his red ears, so he wondered if Chan would be a little like him and ask to do something other than kissing maybe. It made his hope return a tiny smidge, but he still held his breath as Chan spun the bottle hard and it shot out of the centre of the circle they were sitting in. 
> 
> “Ooh! This means longer kissing!” The drunk guy exclaimed and clapped happily. Oh no…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I am not a party person at all, so I apologize if this is not how parties work, I just wrote what I know and what I wanted to happen (aka expect some juicy stuff skdjnj)  
> Enjoy! It's a long chapter!

"Hyunjin, help." Jisung stood before his closet, staring at all the clothes he had. It wasn't even close to half past eight but Jisung had just finished some homework before he couldn't concentrate anymore and decided to look at what he wanted to wear to the party. "What do people even wear to parties? I don't have a lot of revealing clothes." 

"Uhh… let me see…" Hyunjin crouched next to him and squinted at his clothes too. "Oh my gosh, I'm already getting a headache from how many colors there are." 

"At least I'm not boring." 

"Whatever, I'm going to text Innie to get his opinion too, because one, we need all the help we can get, and two, you need to impress Chan." Hyunjin was already typing away on his phone, unaware of Jisung’s embarrassed huff. 

Yes, he wanted to impress Chan, but he was also damned nervous about the party and afraid that he would be boring, or that he would embarrass himself while trying to be interesting, and that Chan would leave him alone eventually for any of those reasons. He hoped he would feel more at ease once he saw Chan and things would maybe get clearer on whether this was a sort of date or not.

Jisung was pulled out of his thoughts by the door swinging open and Jeongin appearing. 

“You called for the fashion doctor?” He smirked and raised an eyebrow at them before closing the door behind him and walking in like he owned the place. Then he fixed his hair with his ring fingers and crouched next to them. “So, party clothes? You wanna dress to impress?”

“Uhm, yeah.” Jisung snorted, Jeongin’s little act made him feel better. Seeing Jeongin always made him feel better. 

Since they had plenty of time, they scoured through the whole closet, trying different combinations of outfits with occasional comments from Hyunjin and Jeongin criticizing his fashion choices. They also asked Minho via text to help, but Minho just texted back that he let his cats choose with their paws, which didn’t really help. 

It took a while to come to a final outfit because Jisung had a lot of clothes and he wanted to at least have some color in his outfit, making it harder for them to agree.

They eventually settled on ripped skinny jeans, an oversized black shirt tucked in to show off his waist, and one of Jisung’s favorite colorful jackets. Hyunjin and Jeongin also helped him style his hair and put on some light makeup, after which they sent pictures to Minho for approval. 

**weirdos**

**hyunjin :** * picture attached *

 **hyunjin :** * picture attached *

 **hyunjin :** final result!

**jisung :** do u approve minho?

**minho :** no start over

 **minho :** cant we go more revealing ;)

**jisung :** ill get cold :/

**minho :** jk u look nice

 **minho :** my cats approve 2

 **minho :** i bet chanll have 2 fight 4 u 

**jeongin :** i know right

**jisung :** wow guys just say u have a crush on me 

**jeongin :** ew

**minho :** no offense but no

**hyunjin :** oh! chans here!

**jisung :** kdjngkjfhnfgknknh

  
  


Jisung almost dropped his phone when he heard the knocks on the door and everyone in the room froze, not opening the door. _It’s only 20:22, he’s early?_ When Chan knocked again, Jeongin and Hyunjin pushed Jisung towards the door, whispering encouragements. 

“Hey, Chan!—” Jisung stopped and gaped when he saw the older. Chan looked stunning, his dark curls swept out of his face to show his gorgeous sculpted eyebrows, eyeshadow accentuating his pretty eyes and lipgloss on his full lips… and then his outfit, a leather jacket and a white cropped tee with a colorful drawing on it showing a tiny peek of his toned stomach, and black skinny jeans. It was like he had stepped right out of Jisung’s dreams.

“Hey, uhm, do I look presentable?” Chan chuckled a little, rubbing his neck a bit in embarrassment to Jisung staring at him. His ears seemed on fire. 

“Sorry— Yes! You look great!” Jisung quickly assured, he had never seen Chan this embarrassed, but during the break yesterday he had learned that Chan could be awkward and quickly embarrassed if all the attention was on him. Honestly, it made Jisung like the older even more, and it was a relief to learn that Chan wasn’t perfect with people.

“Thanks.” Chan smiled his dimply smile gratefully, making Jisung even weaker. "You look great as well, I love the jacket." 

"Really? Thanks! It's my favorite." Jisung felt giddy and a little shy at the compliment.

“It’s nice and colorful! That’s hard to pull off, but you do it well.” Chan did a once over again and his smile didn’t fade. “It suits you.”

Jisung’s breath hitched a little, he thought he was going to die of a heart attack before they would even arrive at the party. Chan was so damn charming it was unfair. 

“We helped pick out his outfit!” Jeongin called from inside the room, startling the two of them. Jisung looked back to glare at him and he saw Hyunjin snickering and giving Jeongin a playful push.

“Oh, hi.” Chan peeked past Jisung to wave at his friends. “Well, you did a good job, Jisung looks nice.”

Hyunjin and Jeongin gave a smug look and low-fived each other, making Chan chuckle. That sound made Jisung forget his embarrassment about being exposed about putting so much effort into getting ready.

“Well, shall we go, Jisung?” The older asked, offering his arm to Jisung, and gave a last look inside the room after Jisung nodded. “We’re off, bye!”

“Have fun!” His friends called after them as they took off, Jisung's head already spinning as Chan escorted him.

  
  


When they arrived at the party, unfortunately letting go of each other, Jisung got a little overwhelmed at the amount of people that were there. Immediately Chan was flooded by people greeting him and striking up small conversations with him. Some asked about Jisung, and Chan just told them that he was a friend that he brought, and some recognized him and just greeted him while Jisung silently greeted back. 

He felt a little awkward standing next to Chan while the older easily conversed with dozens of people and Jisung just nodded. He couldn’t participate in most of the conversations because he had no idea what to say or what they were talking about, and if he did, he only said a few sentences at most. He didn't feel comfortable enough to joke around, knowing that if he just blurted out whatever came to mind he could accidentally hurt people or make the wrong impression like he had done with Hyunjin. 

He didn’t want to abandon Chan because he had no idea what to do at a party, and he didn’t really know anyone besides Felix and Changbin, whom he didn’t know that well either, so he just stood there. 

“If you want, you can just do your own thing.” Chan offered, giving him a smile. Jisung knew he meant well, but Jisung felt a little like he was obstructing Chan in some way from being completely free. 

“Uhm, well, I don’t really know anyone here that well.” Jisung rubbed his neck a little, he hoped that Chan wouldn’t feel guilty.

“Oh, okay, well, shall we get some drinks then?” The older suggested motioning to a table full of all kinds of drinks, probably mostly alcoholic. 

Jisung nodded lightly and followed Chan to get a drink. He didn’t really drink alcohol, so he searched the table for something else to drink, but he had no idea which ones contained alcohol and which ones didn’t, and he was afraid to ask.

“Are you looking for something particular?” Chan asked, holding a beer in his hand and he chuckled a bit. “I don’t know what everything is either, but by now I know what most is.”

“Oh, uhm…” Jisung breathily chuckled too and gathered the courage to just tell Chan what he wanted, Chan was nice enough to not judge. “I don’t really drink alcohol.”

“Oh that’s totally fine! Here are the soda’s.” Chan pointed to different colored cups, and Jisung was glad that Chan acted so casual about it. “I don’t usually drink that much either, just one or two beers most of the time.”

“Ah, well, it’s handy that the soda’s are in different colored cups.” Jisung laughed and grabbed a cup, relieved that they actually had non-alcoholic drinks and that Chan was understanding. 

“Yeah.” Chan breathed and looked at him with a curious and slightly worried look. “But… are you… like, uncomfortable here?” 

“No! I’m not!” Jisung assured despite it being a half-lie. He was a little uncomfortable with all the people and he felt a little out of place, but he didn’t want Chan to feel guilty, and maybe he just needed to warm up a little. “The party has only just started, I think I just need to warm up, since I don’t go to parties often.”

“Okay, but just do whatever you want, yeah?” The older patted his shoulder. “If you think it sucks you can just leave.”

Jisung nodded despite feeling a little conflicted. He wanted to leave, but he also wanted to stay with Chan. He told Chan he’d stay, though, because he guessed he didn’t really have anything better to do at home except for mindlessly watch some youtube videos or something. 

Chan then led them over to a collection of couches where a group of people, including Felix and Changbin were sitting as well. They talked about previous parties and funny things that had already happened, and Jisung could laugh a little, but most of the things they talked about he couldn’t relate to, or he hadn’t experienced, so he just drifted off in his own thoughts, daydreaming about Chan looking as good as he does now, and thinking about lyrics he wanted to write, and a melody that popped up that he needed to remember. 

“Let’s play a game!” Chan suggested, shooting Jisung a quick look, pulling him out of his thoughts. 

“That sounds fun! I’m in.” Jisung agreed with the rest of the group, he thought that definitely would be fun and he would be able to participate. Unless they would play some party game that Jisung didn’t know, but Jisung had confidence that once they got going that he might be able to throw in some of his jokes or be a little silly to make people laugh. 

“Shall we play mafia? Or truth or dare? Never have I ever?” People suggested all kinds of typical party games, but the opinions were still divided on what to do.

“Oh! Let’s play spin the bottle!” One guy shouted, obviously drunk, and Jisung was about to show his reluctance in playing it, but almost everyone immediately agreed, so Jisung didn’t dare to decline and chicken out, although he kind of really didn’t want to play. He also didn’t know where he would go or what he would do if he would decline, he felt weird about just watching them play and they would probably judge him, so he just kept quiet and went to sit on the floor along with the rest. Maybe they would be fine with Jisung just giving small pecks. 

“You know the rules, right ‘Sung?” Chan asked and a few people looked at him. Before he could answer, the drunk guy began explaining.

“In case he doesn’t know, I’ll explain the rules we usually use. We take turns, clockwise, spinning the bottle and the one who spins has to kiss the person the bottle points to! You can either choose to kiss for ten seconds or french kiss for five.” 

“But if you’re uncomfortable with the particular person or in general, you can also hug them or peck them a few times, or ask a question.” Chan added, and Jisung let out a breath of relief. 

“Or remove a piece of clothing! But of course it’s more fun if you kiss people so don’t be shy!” The drunk guy seemed a very fanatic spin the bottle player. “If you don’t mind kissing someone, do it!” 

That put some more pressure on Jisung. He hoped he didn’t have to decline too many people, or ask a lot to not kiss _him_ and instead do something else. That, and he didn’t look forward to seeing Chan kiss others at all.

The drunk guy started and it landed on someone Jisung didn’t know, so that was a good start, and it was kind of funny but also a little weird seeing the dude being so fanatic while it seemed the two also didn’t really know each other that well. As long as everything was consensual it was fine, Jisung guessed, and it was fascinating seeing people that were so different from himself. 

Unfortunately, when it was Felix’s turn, the bottle ended up pointing to Jisung, and on one hand Jisung was glad that it was someone he knew, but on the other hand that made it more awkward. Felix was a sweetheart, though, he knew, and he was objectively very handsome and cute, so, because Jisung was also afraid to already reject the first one and he imagined that he would rather decline other people than Felix, he nodded when Felix asked if kissing was fine. 

  
All eyes were on him when Felix crawled closer, and Jisung felt like he could combust from nerves. The freckled boy stopped in front of him and gave him a look.

“Are you sure about this?” He asked with his deep voice. “We can still do something else if you want.” 

“Uhm…” Jisung looked around to see expectant faces, and when he looked back at Felix he thought that the younger wouldn’t do anything that would make him uncomfortable. “No, it’s fine, I just need to prepare myself.” He chuckled awkwardly.

Felix nodded and offered a smile as he waited for Jisung to take a deep breath and get ready. 

“Okay.” He breathed after having calmed down his heart a little.

Felix closed the gap to lightly kiss him as the rest counted down from ten. Jisung had his eyes closed and tried to imagine that it was Chan kissing him, Felix lips kind of felt like how he imagined that Chan’s would feel, and Felix was keeping the kiss chaste and light, so it wasn’t half as bad as Jisung had feared. 

After they were done, the two of them gave each other a little smile to say that it had been okay. It wasn’t a lie for Jisung, he felt quite neutral, maybe even a little nice, but not much more. Now he was glad that it had been Felix who he had to kiss, because Jisung thought that was the next best choice after Chan— Although, maybe Chan would even be worse because he had feelings for him and maybe that would make things awkward, but Jisung decided to try to stuff those thoughts in the back of his mind and cross that bridge when he would find it.

When it was Jisung’s turn, he silently prayed that it would land on Chan since he hadn’t been chosen yet, but it landed on a random person Jisung vaguely recognized from Hyunjin’s classes instead, so he asked to just give a few pecks on the cheeks. The girl agreed so they did that quickly, ignoring the comment of the drunk guy that it was boring. 

After that, it was Chan’s turn, and Jisung felt himself get even more nervous than he had been for his own turn, because there was a big chance that Chan would be kissing someone that wasn’t him.

“It’s the infamous Chan’s turn! Who will be the lucky one?!” Changbin exclaimed and laughed along with others. _Gosh, Chan’s really that popular, huh?_ Jisung felt his chances diminish even more.

Chan just rolled his eyes, and even in the dim lighting Jisung could make out his red ears, so he wondered if Chan would be a little like him and ask to do something other than kissing maybe. It made his hope return a tiny smidge, but he still held his breath as Chan spun the bottle so hard that it shot out of the centre of the circle they were sitting in. 

“Ooh! This means longer kissing!” The drunk guy exclaimed and clapped happily. _Oh no…_

The bottle seemed to spin for ages before it slowed down, and the whole group watched it intently. It slowed and slowed and Jisung thought it was going to stop opposite of him, but apparently the bottle wasn’t done spinning, because now it was slowly approaching _him_ . He held his breath and tensed even more when it stopped a little over halfway between him and the person sitting right from him. _Does this count as me?_

“Shit, so close.” He heard his neighbor mutter. 

Jisung looked at Chan in panic, which wasn’t a good idea because Chan was intensely looking back at him, and somehow that intense look managed to also be incredibly tender in Jisung’s eyes, although that probably was just because of the dim lighting. Chan’s eyes roamed over his face for a moment before he spoke.

“Is kissing okay?” He asked in a slightly hushed tone, as if he didn’t want others to hear. “We’ll have to do it longer since the bottle flew out of the centre.”

“Yeah— yeah, that’s okay.” Jisung was startled out of his Chan-induced trance, and suddenly he was very glad that Chan had spun the bottle that violently, although, he also felt a tiny bit of guilt, as if he was taking advantage of Chan somehow. Right now he didn’t want to think about that, though, Chan had not shown any signs of disgust yet so it should be fine, but he thought he’d ask anyway. “For you as well?”

Chan nodded with a little smile before it faltered and he scooted closer, causing Jisung’s heartbeat to speed up and his cheeks to get warmer. Chan’s lipgloss seemed to make his lips glow in the dim lighting, or it was Jisung’s imagination, but either way Jisung’s eyes were glued to the older’s plump and soft looking lips, the lips that were about to kiss him— a thought that made his head spin, and he hadn’t even had any alcohol.

One of Chan’s hands came up to cup Jisung’s cheek and Jisung unconsciously leaned into the gentle touch. He totally forgot that he was at a party as Chan slowly got closer and closed the gap between them, softly pressing his lips against Jisung’s. Butterflies raged through his stomach as he felt Chan’s lips move, and he almost automatically kissed back, wanting to make the most of the feeling. 

Chan tasted a little like beer and lipgloss, but Jisung didn’t mind at all. In fact, he had to stop himself from getting too immersed and doing anything more than that they were supposed to, because he had the urge to climb on Chan's lap and tangle his fingers in his curly hair and press himself against the other and relish in their kiss, deepen it even. 

He didn't fully succeed at keeping out of a Chan-induced trance, though, because he didn't notice that the others were done counting down from fifteen. Only when Chan slowly backed out of the kiss and Jisung leaned forward ever so slightly to let their lips touch for a second longer, he remembered where he was and what they were doing, and that he wasn't supposed to chase Chan's soft lips. 

People hollered and cheered after the kiss as they did after every kiss, but it was more enthusiastic now, probably because it had been Chan and it had been longer. Jisung felt incredibly embarrassed having kissed Chan like that in front of everyone, but he guessed that he didn’t regret it, because it had felt amazing. Now that he had experienced it he only wanted more, which wasn’t ideal, but he thought this scenario was better than the one where Chan kissed someone else for this long. 

As the next person spinned the bottle, he carefully looked at Chan, who quickly looked away. _Oh, is he embarrassed?_ he wondered, he hoped things wouldn’t get awkward now with Chan. He hoped that Chan hadn’t noticed his feelings in the way he kissed back. He didn’t even know if that was possible. _Can you easily deduce that from the way someone kisses?_

Jisung’s thoughts were interrupted when people began hollering again, and he saw that the bottle was pointing towards Chan. His stomach dropped despite that he willed himself not to feel bad, because Chan was allowed to do whatever he wanted. 

“Wanna french kiss?” The girl asked, getting some cheers from the rest. 

Chan thought for a second, before shaking his head. “Uhm… no, let’s just do it normally.” 

He earned some boo’s and Jisung wanted to protest to those boo’s, but he saw Chan laugh at it so apparently it was just lighthearted. 

“He only does the french kiss when he has had two or more beers, I think tonight is a one beer night.” Changbin laughed. 

“Oh come on! Aren’t you in the zone from the previous kiss?” The drunk guy exclaimed.

Chan just chuckled at the dramatics and shook his head a little. “No, I think I’ll take a breather this round.”

_A breather meaning still actually kissing? Damn._ Jisung was impressed and couldn’t relate. He wondered whether Chan thought kissing him was easy too, but he guessed that you couldn’t really take a breather after already having had a breather. That was good, that it seemed like Chan was at least a little affected by their kiss. _Unless he was affected as in that he didn’t like it_ —

“So that means you’ll do it next round?” Someone smugly asked and Chan let out a breathy laugh as he rolled his eyes. 

“Fine, but not if it’s you.” He winked at the guy, making people laugh. “We’ll see. Let’s do this round first.” 

At that, Chan leaned towards the girl next to him to kiss her, and Jisung didn’t want to look, but he couldn’t look away for some reason, and it would be weird if he was the only one to look away. At least he had the knowledge that he didn’t want to french kiss this girl, but he also hated that he still felt jealous and that the thought of Chan possibly french kissing someone else made his heart clench. 

The ten seconds seemed like an eternity, and Jisung hoped that the second round— everyone immediately agreed on doing a second round— wouldn’t have the bottle pointing to Chan more frequently, especially since they were talking about the first round as if it was a warm up round and this round was the round to get loose. And go loose the drunk guy did after he spun, but luckily not with Chan. 

Unfortunately, another girl ended up spinning the bottle towards Chan, and everyone immediately began chanting for them to french kiss. The girl looked at Chan hopefully and Chan just laughed and nodded at her.

“Yes!” She exclaimed and crawled over to Chan to almost climb on his lap as they french kissed for five seconds. It was a very uncomfortable sight for Jisung, and he was feeling his anxiety surface along with the feeling that he was too boring for Chan, that Chan would get bored with him and leave him for more interesting and fun and _extroverted_ people who liked parties like this, who liked going out. Yes, Jisung had a more eccentric side, a side where he wouldn’t think before he would speak and where he would be silly or daring even just to make his friends laugh, but that side could only come out when he was comfortable, when he was with his friends and he wasn’t surrounded by dozens of strangers. Around strangers he just couldn’t get himself to do that. 

Jisung thanked the rules of the game that the french kiss only lasted five seconds because he was sure that he wouldn’t survive looking at Chan do that for longer than that. Jisung was in even more bad luck, though, because later when Changbin spinned the bottle with full force, sending it almost flying against Jisung, it ended up pointing to Chan, meaning they had to kiss for longer. Jisung didn’t know if it was good that it was Changbin or not.

“Bro!” The short boy exclaimed loudly, he seemed a little tipsy. At least it looked like Changbin didn’t have any feelings for Chan, unless he was the type of person to say bro romantically like Jisung was. 

Chan just laughed like he always seemed to do, which wasn't good for Jisung's heart, both because Chan seemed fine with kissing Changbin for so long and because Chan's laugh made Jisung's heart stutter. 

When Changbin crawled over to Chan, the two of them almost burst into laughter, and Felix was laughing and clapping excitedly too. Jisung couldn't laugh, though, although he felt like he should. He just felt exhausted from trying to be social with strangers all night and from stressing about spin the bottle and about his feelings for Chan, and feeling like a burden to Chan.

As he saw Chan and Changbin kiss all giggly, his mood only diminished. He wished that he could be that free and spontaneous, that his mind didn't provide him with all the negative things people could be thinking about him with his every action. He wished his brain wouldn't shut down in crowds. 

He was lucky that the bottle didn't land on him this round as of yet, and the few after Changbin also didn't land on Chan, but still Jisung was feeling progressively worse. When it was his neighbor's turn, the bottle did point to him, but he really didn't want to play anymore. 

"Do you wanna kiss?" His neighbor looked at him with a slight frown and Jisung wondered if he looked as sick as he felt. 

"No, sorry…" Jisung shook his head a little, after which he hesitantly looked at the rest. "Uhm… I think I'm going to stop, sorry. I don't feel so good." He excused himself and slowly stood up. 

"Oh, are you okay?" Chan seemed surprised, he probably hadn't been paying attention to Jisung anymore after their kiss. "Do you want to go home? Shall I walk you—" Chan was already beginning to stand up as well, but Jisung stopped him. 

"It's fine." He managed a small smile. "I'm just going to get some water, maybe I'll feel better, but otherwise I can bring myself home. You enjoy the rest of the party." 

Chan frowned at him a little. "Are you sure? I don't mind walking you. I mean, I invited you so it's the least I can do—" 

"Chan. It's fine." Jisung said, feeling a slight urge to finish the conversation, both because he didn't want to hold up the game and because Chan was being all gentlemanly and Jisung didn't want to fall for him even more. "I'll manage by myself. Sorry for interrupting the game, you can now proceed." 

Before anyone else could say anything more, Jisung dashed off to the bathroom. He leaned on the sink for a moment, feeling like a movie character, before he splashed his face with some water. It was nice and quiet in the bathroom, no couples making out like in TV shows, so Jisung could calm down a little. 

He didn't want to leave yet, both the bathroom and the party, so he went to sit on the toilet seat and got out his phone. He hovered his finger over the group chat with his friends, but hesitated. Would his friends already be asleep? Would they even be able to help? What can you say to _'help, my crush is kissing other people during spin the bottle and I get anxiety from crowds of strangers'_? 

Jisung sighed and closed his messaging app to instead open his notes app and start writing down his feelings. Whenever he felt overwhelmed or sad or any other emotion, not even necessarily strongly, he liked to write them down, turn them into lyrics. It helped him understand his emotions, rationalize them, and it helped calm him down whenever he was worked up. 

So right now he was typing away on his phone, forgetting where he even was, and feeling himself calm down. It was only when someone rattled on the door and shouted some form of apology, that Jisung remembered that he was at a party. Maybe he should get out of the bathroom, but he wanted to have a plan for what he was going to do. Would he go home or would he join Chan again? Or would he even just hang around at the party, but somewhere else than where Chan was? 

_No, definitely not that last option._ If he was honest, he just wanted to go home. He was tired and didn't want to burden Chan anymore and he didn't want to play any games anymore, even if it wasn't spin the bottle. 

He stood up and left the bathroom, immediately being met with the bustling party and loud strangers, making Jisung more sure in his decision to go home. He did want to go by Chan once more to maybe say goodbye, that would be nice he thought. He hoped Chan would think that as well. 

When he got to the group again, Jisung saw they were still playing spin the bottle. Maybe they had switched up some things, because he had heard some yelling about truth or dare, but he arrived just at the moment that Chan was kissing someone again. Jisung's heart dropped and he froze. Even if he had wanted to interrupt them, his voice would probably give out. Why had he ever thought tagging along to the party was a good idea? He didn't fit in with these people and he didn't fit in with Chan. The older would never want to date _him_ , why would he? He would only have to compromise, or Jisung would have to, but somehow he thought he wouldn't mind that. He wouldn't mind going to parties if he actually had someone to hang out with, with friends he would feel comfortable, but not like this, and he couldn't ask Chan to do that. 

The group began yelling after Chan was done kissing, and Jisung still didn't want to disturb them, so he just left without saying goodbye. 

As he walked home, he decided to text Chan to tell him that he went home. He didn't know if Chan cared, he probably did because he was nice and probably felt responsible since he had asked Jisung to come, so he tried to make sure Chan didn't feel bad, even if he had to lie a little about having had fun. When he had talked and interacted with Chan it had been fun, and the few moments he had talked to Changbin and Felix too, but for the rest it wasn't that great, and don't get him started on the spin the bottle game… 

  
  


Jisung carefully opened the door to his dorm room, and saw that Hyunjin was already in bed, but he was still awake, reading something. 

"You're back! How did it go?" His roommate asked as he laid his book down. "Is the party already over? Well, it's pretty late already, but I don't know for how long parties go on— wait, Chan didn't bring you home?" 

Jisung pressed his lips together and shuffled around a bit after he closed the door. "No… Uhm…" He looked down and fidgeted with his hands. "I went home earlier because I, uhm, I didn't feel like I fit in, you know." 

Hyunjin grimaced and sat up more in his bed. "That sucks… Even Chan didn't, like, include you? Felix and Changbin neither?" 

Jisung shook his head a little. "Uhm, he did, for a while. But then we started playing spin the bottle and that's not really my favorite game and I get that Chan doesn't want to constantly sacrifice his experience for me, so it's not his fault." 

Hyunjin raised his eyebrows at the mention of the game they played. "You played spin the bottle? Ouch. I'm very curious about how that went, though, do you want to tell me?" 

Jisung sighed, but nodded and went to sit on the bed with Hyunjin to tell him about what happened. He wasn't afraid to share everything with his best friend, he trusted Hyunjin. 

When he got to the part where he had to kiss Chan, he got more quiet and embarrassed and he kind of sped through it. 

"Yeah, so I went home because I didn't want to disturb them." He finished. 

Hyunjin pulled him in for a hug and patted his head. "That sucks." He said and pulled back. "But I don't think this means everything is doomed with you two, you still share your love for music, and Chan kissing other people in a game doesn't mean he doesn't like you. I mean, you even kissed Felix, and you’re you." 

Jisung nodded a little, he appreciated Hyunjin's faith in him and Chan, it made Jisung feel a little better. He guessed that Chan hadn't been holding back during their kiss like Felix had done, it had felt like a _real_ kiss to Jisung, so that must mean that Chan at least didn't mind kissing him. And Hyunjin was right about their love for music, and thinking about that made him feel warm and happy, because he was confident that Chan liked sharing his passion for music with him, he just had forgotten about it for a moment. 

"Thanks, Hyun." Jisung smiled and squeezed his friend, feeling lighter. "Anyway, did anything interesting happen for you? Did Innie stay for long?" 

Hyunjin's expression brightened and he straightened his back, seemingly remembering what he had done. 

"Right!" Hyunjin seemed to be fighting against a wide smile. "Jeongin left pretty early because he still had homework to do, so I said goodbye to him, and guess who I came across in the hall." 

Hyunjin looked at him expectantly, but Jisung had no idea who it could be. Minho wouldn't come back until Monday, and they didn't really have any other good friends. He shrugged to signal Hyunjin he should just proceed. 

"Seungmin! Chan's roommate!" Hyunjin said as if he had come across a long time friend. "I didn't know he wasn't going to the party, but apparently not all popular people are party people." He chuckled a little. "We bonded over the fact that both of our roommates were at a party and he invited me to hang out in his room." 

"Oh, damn." Jisung was glad that it seemed like Hyunjin had a good time, because Hyunjin didn't trust people that quickly, Jisung had first hand experience with that, but apparently Seungmin had a better first impression. That was nice, that they were slowly broadening their friend group. Jisung hoped that they would merge their and Chan's group, he would like that. 

"Did you do anything special?" 

"No, we just talked a little, about you and Chan, and about the differences and similarities between our friend groups and ourselves." Hyunjin smiled at the memory. "We're pretty different, but also a little similar. He's really nice. And kind of cute." Hyunjin chuckled at himself and Jisung laughed as well. 

"That's good." Jisung felt happy for Hyunjin, and more confident that they could at least be friends with Chan's friend group, and that differences might not matter as much as he thought. At least not in Hyunjin and Seungmin's case it seemed. 

He would think about Chan in more romantic contexts later, he decided, because now he was tired and just wanted to sleep. Okay, maybe he would daydream about kissing Chan until he fell asleep, but that was for only him to know, and only for his entertainment, not to make any decisions about what to do next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, are you guys party people or not? Are you more like Jisung or like Chan?


	3. Beautifully complex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chan felt his heart ache at the thought of Jisung being afraid that he would leave him when he got bored or because he thought he wasn’t enough or too much. He had never looked at it that way, because for Chan it was easy to talk to people and make friends. Chan never worried about losing friends in that way, and he hadn’t thought about the option of Jisung being afraid of losing him, but now he understood.
> 
> As Jisung finished up the song and hesitantly looked up at Chan, biting his lip softly, Chan noticed that his own vision had become a little bit blurry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter already! It's a long one so enjoy!

Jisung used Sunday to finish both his homework and his lyrics that he had written about his feelings for Chan. He channeled all his insecurities and wrote them down in hope of being able to let them go. 

While he was writing, his phone buzzed to signal that he had gotten a message.  _ Huh?  _ He had already texted Jeongin and Minho about the party, so it couldn’t be them. He checked his phone and saw that Chan had sent him messages yesterday as well— well, technically early this morning.

**chan + jisung**

**chan :** did you get home safely? 

**chan :** i hope youll feel better

**chan :** maybe if you want we can hang out some other time again?

**chan :** since you didnt feel well and a party prob wasnt what you had in mind 

**jisung :** sorry i didnt see ur messages!   
**jisung :** i got home safely

**jisung :** and idk what happened but im feeling better now

**chan :** its okay

**chan :** thats good :)

**jisung :** id like to hang out again sometime yeah

**chan :** nice

**chan :** when are you free?

**chan :** it depends on when youre feeling better too

**jisung :** next weekend?

**chan :** sure

**chan :** just at one of our rooms?

**jisung :** yeah i can throw my roommate out

**chan :** ndfjkfhnkfhlkdg

**chan :** if hyunjin wants i can ask seungmin if he can come over again

**jisung :** hed like that i think

**jisung :** unless he has smth else planned but i dont think so

**chan :** ill ask so he has the option

**chan :** anyway im gonna do some hw now

**chan :** you can text me the deetz later

**chan :** and ill see u this week in class ;)

**jisung :** ill have my hw all ready then ;)

  
  


Jisung put his phone away and sighed happily. He felt so much better than yesterday, knowing that Chan cared enough to ask if he was feeling okay, and even to suggest to hang out again because the party wasn’t that much of a success. Chan probably knew more about and paid more attention to Jisung than Jisung gave him credit for, but that was not because of Chan, but just because of Jisung’s anxiety brain, which worked extra hard whenever he was with strangers or in crowds. 

Despite feeling relieved, he still had his insecurities, and he was glad that he had written them down, because first, it were good lyrics and he had inspiration to make a song out of it, and second, it had helped him accept and deal with his insecurities better. 

* * *

The next day, Jisung was surprised to be greeted by a few people that were at the party. It was just a simple hi, or an acknowledging nod, but it still made Jisung happy. In a class he shared with Changbin, the older even asked him if he was feeling better since Saturday, which Jisung really appreciated. 

In his class with Chan, Chan came to him to ask how he was feeling as well, sporting that sweet gentle look of his that swept everyone off their feet. 

“I’m fine, thanks.” Jisung smiled. “I felt better on Sunday already.”

“That’s good.” Chan placed a hand on Jisung’s shoulder, lightly massaging it. “Do you have any idea what caused it?”

His gentle tone made Jisung want to spill all his insecurities and secrets to Chan, but he didn’t want Chan to feel responsible for his bad mood.

“Uhm, yeah, I get a little anxious in crowds sometimes.” Jisung admitted, shrugging a little. “It’s usually not as bad that I get unwell, that’s why I agreed to go to the party, but apparently my brain wasn’t feeling it.”

Chan hummed and let go of Jisung’s shoulder to crouch in front of the table Jisung was sitting at, resting his chin on his folded arms and looking up at the younger. 

"Well, it's good that we're meeting at yours this weekend then." He smiled. "We can just take it easy." 

Before anything else could be said, Chan had to go help a student and Jisung thought he might have to work on the assignment, so the conversation ended. 

  
  


During the break, Jisung was a little hesitant to sit with Chan and his friends again, but his own friends were quick to convince him, because they really wanted to sit with them too. Luckily, and as expected, Chan and his friends happily greeted them.

“Are you feeling better, Jisung?” Felix asked. 

“Yeah, I’m fine now, thanks.” Jisung smiled. He wasn’t used to all this attention. “How was the rest of the party?” He asked, hoping they did something else besides spin the bottle, else he was setting himself up to be disappointed, but he guessed that if Chan didn’t like him, it was better to know than to live in a fantasy.

“The spin the bottle game slowly turned into more of a truth or dare game, although, people sure love to take the opportunity to kiss Chan.” Felix chuckled, and Jisung saw Chan’s ears get red.  _ Of course I have to have a crush on the most popular guy who everyone wants to date…  _ “That’s always fun too, lots of  _ tea  _ getting spilled.” 

“Shit, Jisung! You should’ve been there to share the tea with us!” Minho gasped and pushed Jisung, the younger knowing that he was kidding. 

“We have an unspoken rule that we don’t share the tea outside of the parties, though.” Changbin snickered. “But I guess if Jisung had been there it would’ve been his choice.”

“We’re very reliable.” Hyunjin grinned. “Jisung can tell us anything, we won’t tell anyone else.”

“Not that we have many other friends to tell anyway.” Jeongin joked, but it fell silent after that, so Jeongin got flustered and waved his hand around. “Sorry. Proceed.”

A few did laugh at that, and Changbin continued telling them about the party. 

“Yeah, so, tea was being spilled, you know, and as always people tried to get Chan to spill whether he had his eye on someone if you know what I mean…” Changbin grinned and eyed Chan, who’s ears got red again. “But, also as always, Chan managed to maneuver his way around the question and he even had to politely reject some people.”

_ Oh, damn. I’m glad I wasn’t there anymore, especially if people were asking about crushes and stuff.  _ Jisung saw his friends subtly and not-so subtly look towards him, but Hyunjin was also looking at Seungmin. Maybe the two of them had talked about that too? That Chan always got asked out at parties? Whatever it was, Jisung was at least glad that Chan didn’t seem to be in a relationship yet—  _ unless he’s in a secret relationship? Okay, let’s not get  _ too  _ crazy.  _

“Anyway—” Chan interrupted the talk about how people had reacted to Chan rejecting people, which Jisung had missed while being lost in thought. “Hyunjin, I had asked Seungmin if he was fine with you coming over this Saturday again and he said you are.”

Seungmin nodded and Hyunjin seemed surprised.    
  
“Oh, really? You don’t have other things to do?” The tall boy asked, and Jisung found it cute how timid he seemed. 

“No, I don’t really.” Seungmin shrugged. “And if you don’t have anything else to do either, you’re free to come by and hang out. I mean, you can do whatever you want, I don’t know if you already wanted to hang out with your other friends, but my door is open.” He finished with a soft smile, and Jisung wondered whether he was hallucinating the fact that they already seemed pretty comfortable with each other.

“I was going to hang out with Minho on Saturday, so.” Jeongin inspected his hand casually.  _ Okay..? Are they trying to set them up?  _

“Yeah, I’m going to annoy him with all the pictures I took of my cats last weekend, isn’t that fun.” Minho added, and Jisung somehow had the feeling that they  _ hadn’t  _ planned this until literally just now. 

“Uhm, okay, boring.” Hyunjin seemed confused as well, as he squinted at the two. “I think I’ll stop by then, Seungmin. I was already thinking about that anyway.”

“Okay, great.” Seungmin smiled. 

“Do you see this, Jeongin, Minho?” Jisung loudly whispered so that the rest heard too. “Hyunjin doesn’t love us anymore.” 

Chan and his friends looked a little confused until Hyunjin let out a laugh. 

"It's not like you weren't subtly trying to exclude me by saying you would hang out with each other and look at Minho's cat pictures." Hyunjin laughed. "You don't even like doing that either, Jeongin." 

"So you still love us?" Jisung asked dramatically. 

"Only Jeongin." 

Jisung laughed although the answer was expected, but he laughed even harder when he heard Felix softly ask Chan if Jeongin wasn't the one that began with excluding Hyunjin, and Chan just shrugged, and after that Minho whispered that now Jeongin  _ had  _ to come over to look at his cats. 

The break was over too soon for Jisung's liking, time went fast when you were having fun, but at least he had class with Chan. He felt himself looking forward to the next days where he could spend time with this group, getting to know Chan and his friends better and hopefully merge their friend groups. 

* * *

“Hyunjin, help.” Jisung said in desperation and Hyunjin laughed.

“What is it now?” 

“What does one do when hanging out with someone?” 

Hyunjin chuckled again. “Gosh, I think we’ve already had this conversation. You can just talk to Chan about music, I’m sure that will at least keep you busy for a while, and probably the conversation will flow from there.”

“Is that how it went with you and Seungmin then too?” 

His roommate nodded. “Yeah, we just talked about how our roommates were at the party, why we weren’t really party people, and from there we got to other or related topics.” He explained. “We talked for very long, somehow talking to Seungmin went naturally, so I don’t think you have to worry.”

Jisung pouted a little. “That does help, but what if  _ I  _ can’t hold a conversation?”

Hyunjin laughed again and rolled his eyes. “Jisung, you don’t have to worry. You’re comfortable with Chan, right? I know that you can ramble and ramble when you’re comfortable. Whenever we’re hanging out with Minho and Jeongin,  _ you  _ are the one that fills the silences and keeps the conversations going with jokes and hypes us up whenever we say something.”

Jisung guessed that Hyunjin was right, and he got a little shy from the compliments, but he really appreciated it. 

“Ugh, thank you Hyunjin!” Jisung launched himself at the taller and tried to give him a little peck on his cheek, but Hyunjin resisted with all of his might. “I just hope my nerves don’t take over.” 

Hyunjin relaxed and patted Jisung on his head. “It’ll be fine, man, just like keep yourself busy until he comes. Weren’t you working on that song? That sounded nice, maybe you can finish that and show Chan?”

Jisung pressed his lips together and thought about it for a moment. “I do have inspiration, but the song’s kinda about Chan…”

“Oh?” Hyunjin raised an eyebrow at him. “I didn’t know that, but maybe Chan won’t notice either, and you don’t  _ have  _ to show him. You can just work on it to distract yourself if you have inspiration.” 

“Yeah, okay, I’ll do that then.” Jisung nodded, grabbed his guitar, and headed to his desk to go work on his song. He had this melody in mind for the lyrics and he was itching to get to it, so he was glad that Hyunjin had suggested it. 

  
  


Chan looked at the time and sighed, he was feeling a little restless. Seungmin gave him a look that told him that he knew exactly what Chan was thinking and feeling.

“Can’t wait to visit Jisung?” His roommate asked and Chan nodded. “Why? Are you doing anything special?”

Chan shook his head now, swinging his legs back and forth as he sat on his chair. “No, I don’t know what we’re going to do, but maybe he’ll show me some songs he’s been working on.”

Seungmin nodded slowly. “Nice. I get looking forward to hanging out with friends even though you don’t really have anything planned. Just being with someone, or just talking to them can be nice too.”

“Yeah.” Chan agreed and stopped swinging his legs to smirk at his friend. “So you’re looking forward to Hyunjin stopping by too?”

Seungmin looked a little surprised at that, but Chan had already noticed that Seungmin had taken a liking to Jisung’s roommate already. It seemed like they could talk to each other well. 

“Yeah, I am. Although he said he was thinking about it, so I don’t know for sure.” 

“If he liked last week as much as you did, he’ll definitely stop by.” 

Seungmin’s eyes widened and Chan thought he could spot a pink glow appearing on his cheeks. 

“It wasn’t  _ that  _ special. It was just nice.” The younger mumbled with a slight pout before he looked at Chan again. “Anyway, are you planning on showing Jisung that song you’ve been working on lately?”

Now it was Chan’s turn to widen his eyes and feel his ears burn. After last week he had been writing down his feelings for Jisung because kissing him at the party had caused his feelings to multiply tenfold and beyond that. Usually kissing people while playing spin the bottle didn’t affect him that much, he just enjoyed the feeling a little, but with Jisung he had felt like he had to constrain himself from getting into it too much. 

Chan did also feel a little bad about the fact that Jisung didn’t really have a good time at the party,though, and he felt a little like an asshole for not ditching the party for Jisung, or having been there for him more, or just immediately having asked to reschedule, but he hadn’t known how much Jisung disliked crowds and strangers. He was glad Jisung wanted to hang out again (and that his bad mood hadn’t been because of their kiss), because Chan felt like he had to make up for last week a little, although he knew Jisung wouldn’t ask him to do that. 

“No, that’s embarrassing.” Chan answered eventually. “I don’t even know if I’m going to finish it.”

“Okay.” Seungmin just shrugged. “So you’re not going to talk about your feelings either?”

Chan felt his cheeks get hotter at the confrontation. “Uhm, I’m not sure. I don’t know what he thinks of me, and I don’t want to ruin the friendship we’re developing with him and his friends.”

The younger nodded in understanding. “I get that, but don’t let us stand in your way. If we want to be friends with Jisung and his friends, we will be.” 

That was true, Chan knew, but that didn’t make confessing his feelings any less scary. He checked the time again and saw that it was finally time to go to Jisung. He tried to shake off his nerves and summon his excitement to hang out with Jisung, which luckily went easily.

“Okay, I’m off!” He waved at Seungmin who waved back. “Bye! And have fun with Hyunjin!”

  
  


When he arrived at Jisung’s dorm room and knocked, Hyunjin opened the door and greeted him.

“Hi, Chan.” 

Chan greeted back and looked past the tall boy to see Jisung jump up from his desk chair and rush over to them. It was somehow an endearing sight, the way Jisung was rushing in such a… bouncy way. 

“Hey, Sungie.” Chan said with a little smile. “Was I interrupting something?”

“No, I was just fooling around with some song.” Jisung shook his head and Chan’s eyes widened in interest. 

“Yeah, it already sounds very nice!” Hyunjin brought in and slipped past Chan outside. “Well, I’m going! Have fun!” 

They waved at Hyunjin and Jisung motioned Chan in.

“So, do you want something to drink?” The younger asked as he got some snacks to eat as well. 

Chan shrugged. “Sure, just give me some soda or something.” 

Jisung got the soda and handed it to Chan before he motioned for them to sit on the bed. 

“So you were working on a song?” Chan asked curiously, he really hoped Jisung would want to show him, but he also knew that sometimes songs you wrote on your own could be very personal. “Is it that song you were writing lyrics for two weeks ago?” 

Jisung seemed pleasantly surprised that Chan remembered that, and Chan hoped the younger knew that he would always be enthusiastic about Jisung’s work. 

“Yeah, it is.” He nodded and took a sip from his drink. “I happened to have some inspiration, so I tried to finish it.” 

“Can I hear it? Do you want to show me?” Chan looked hopeful, feeling a bit like a little kid asking for candy. 

“Uhm…” Jisung looked a little hesitant, like he was weighing the options, and Chan wanted to tell him that he didn’t have to, but Jisung already continued. “Okay, but don’t expect too much.”

Chan couldn’t hold back an excited smile and he couldn’t help but have expectations although he knew how nervewracking it could be to show someone your song. Jisung just always made great songs. 

“I know you won’t disappoint, but okay, I’ll lower my expectations.” 

Jisung pouted, puffing up his slightly red cheeks a little and it was almost too adorable for Chan to handle. 

“I’m sorry, I’m not trying to pressure you.” Chan chuckled. “Just show me, I won’t have any expectations, I promise.” 

Jisung squinted at him as if he didn’t fully believe him, which was fair because Chan did in fact have a few expectations, but he still opened his laptop where the music program was still running. Chan put his glass away and grabbed Hyunjin’s chair to sit next to Jisung as he clicked away on his laptop. 

“Okay, so I was just starting on recording the melody and stuff, it’s not that good yet.” The younger said before he looked at Chan with a lost look. “Uhm, do you want to hear what I recorded or should I play it on the guitar? I don’t have any backing vocals recorded yet, so...”

“Then I would like to hear you play if you’re comfortable with that.” Chan said. He loved how Jisung played guitar and he hoped it would help Jisung feel less nervous about showing him, because he would probably be focused on singing and playing guitar instead of what Chan would think about it. 

“Okay, yeah I wrote the chords down on my laptop.” Jisung breathed, he seemed to be nervous as he grabbed his guitar, but Chan didn’t know what he could do or say to make it better. 

Once Jisung began playing a soft tune, the both of them were put into a trance, put on them by their love for music. The younger played a few beginning chords before he began singing too. Chan loved Jisung’s singing voice, it was soft and serene now, but he could also belt high notes like no one else. Usually in his own songs he preferred to sing more quietly because he tended to write softer songs. 

Chan listened intently and tried to focus on everything at the same time to get the best experience. He wanted to remember the melody, the lyrics, the chords, the whole package. It was a beautiful song about insecurities, and Chan was impressed by the lyrics especially. For one because he felt that they were personal to Jisung, so it felt like he got to look inside the younger’s head, and second because he couldn’t really relate to the lyrics himself. 

He never really thought about the possibility of your friends leaving you because you couldn’t keep their attention or because you took too long to warm up or because you didn’t know the right balance between giving people space and giving them enough attention. Chan did understand wanting to get closer to someone but not knowing how, but only in a romantic context because then he suddenly got awkward, and it was how he was feeling with Jisung, but apparently Jisung also felt like that with friendships. Chan sooner felt like he didn’t deserve to be close to certain people rather than that he had a hard time talking to them.

Chan felt his heart ache at the thought of Jisung being afraid that he would leave him when he got bored or because he thought he wasn’t enough or too much. He had never looked at it that way, because for Chan it was easy to talk to people and make friends. Chan never worried about losing friends in that way, and he hadn’t thought about the option of Jisung being afraid of losing  _ him _ , but now he understood.

As Jisung finished up the song and hesitantly looked up at Chan, biting his lip softly, Chan noticed that his own vision had become a little bit blurry.

“That was beautiful, Jisung.” He said and blinked a few times to clear his vision. “Really, I can feel that there’s a lot of emotion packed into it.”

Jisung showed a little smile. “Thanks. Uhm, yeah, I put a lot of feelings in it.” He said softly and looked down, cheeks a little red. 

Chan opened his mouth to ask something but hesitated, closed his mouth again, but eventually decided to ask anyway. 

“Is this how you feel often?” He asked hesitantly. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

Jisung looked a little surprised, and maybe even a little scared, which Chan hated. 

“Uhm, well, yeah.” The younger mumbled. “Not that often, though, but just a thing I sometimes feel. I don’t feel like that with my close friends.”

Chan nodded slowly, because another question was burning on his tongue, but he didn’t know if it was okay to ask. He guessed since it was about him he could ask, and Jisung could always just refuse to answer. 

"May I ask if… if it's something you feel with me?" His voice remained quiet and it reached a high pitch at the end. "You don't have to answer, again, but I won't judge. I understand if you do." 

Jisung looked down and bit his lip again, fidgeting with his hands. "It's not your fault. It's okay, really, it's just in my head and I know it's okay if you don't want to be close friends, and if you do, I'll believe that eventually. It's just a thing my brain likes to worry over." 

Chan gently placed a hand on Jisung's arm and tried to catch his gaze. 

"I understand that you feel that way with me, you can't do anything about that." He said, trying to find the right words as he softly stroked his thumb over Jisung’s skin. "That said, I want you to know that I personally don't find you boring at all. From the first moment I saw you, I thought you were interesting, and maybe that was because you were working on music, but after that you only got more interesting." Chan took a moment to breathe because he noticed that he was rambling, but he needed to assure Jisung of this. He wanted Jisung to know how special he was to him. "You seem timid and shy at first, which isn't bad or boring at all, but then when you're more comfortable you suddenly pull out hilarious jokes and witty comments, and you're so creative and also kind, which counts for a lot, and I also see that you're constantly working on yourself…" Chan took another breath and carefully let his hand fall down to Jisung's hand to take it. "But know that you don't have to like parties or be great with strangers to be a good person."

Jisung stared at him with a shocked look and Chan saw his eyes getting watery and his lip quivering as he looked down. Chan got a little concerned. 

"What's wrong, Sungie?" He asked and Jisung let out a soft sob. 

"Did you mean that?" The younger asked shakily. "You didn't say it just to make me feel better?" 

Chan shook his head and took Jisung's other hand in his too. "No, I meant every word of it. You're not just another student or another friend or almost-friend to me. You're irreplaceable, Jisung." 

Jisung squeezed his hands and started crying now, hunching his shoulders and trying to hide his face in his arms. Chan then let go of his hands and pulled him closer and on his lap into a bone-crushing hug, letting Jisung cry on his shoulder. Jisung was holding him just as tightly in return. 

"Tell me, Sungie, why are you crying?" Chan whispered as he gently carded a hand through the younger’s hair and stroked a soothing hand over his back. 

"Just— just— you— I never thought that you would say such nice things to me." Jisung sobbed. "I knew that you saw me as a friend, but— but I was afraid—" 

"And now you're letting out all those pent up worries that you had?" Chan finished for him, and Jisung nodded. Chan felt relieved as well, to know that Jisung looked up to him and wanted to be his friend just as bad as the other way around. 

Jisung pulled back and sniffed a few times. "Sorry for making your shirt wet."

Chan barked out a surprised laugh before he shook his head and used his thumb to wipe at Jisung's tears. 

"It's okay. I'm glad that it's out of your system now." 

Jisung nodded and let out a few last sniffs. “Yeah, I feel better now too.” He chuckled. “I’m really relieved, thank you Chan.”

Chan just smiled as an answer and continued to caress the younger’s cheeks even though there were no tears to dry anymore, he just liked the feeling and Jisung didn’t seem to mind either. He really wanted to come closer and kiss Jisung’s soft lips, thinking about the party, but Chan managed to stop himself, knowing he shouldn’t take advantage of this situation. 

They stared into each other’s eyes for a few moments longer, Chan’s hands slowly falling from Jisung’s cheeks to his shoulders and down to hold his tiny waist, and Chan slowly getting more embarrassed and warm as Jisung seemed to be admiring him, his eyes gently roaming over his face. 

Jisung was still sitting on his lap, arms around Chan’s shoulders, and Chan didn’t want him off, it kept him warm and he liked being this close to the younger however embarrassing it was that Jisung was looking at him so sweetly. He wanted to keep his gaze on Jisung too, look at his pretty face and admire it like Jisung seemed to be doing with him, but he was afraid that he would either burn up from embarrassment, or that he would do something stupid like kiss Jisung—

“Can I kiss you, Chan?”

Chan jolted and gasped and pulled his hands back in surprise despite Jisung’s soft tone, and he was sure that he had absolutely ruined the moment, because Jisung immediately pulled his arms away as well and almost fell trying to get off Chan’s lap.

“I’m— I’m so sorry, that— I didn’t mean—” Jisung stuttered, his whole head beet red from embarrassment. He stepped back but bumped into the chair and stumbled back, almost falling if it weren’t for Chan quickly standing up and catching Jisung by grabbing his arms. 

Jisung looked at him with wide eyes and tried to stand upright again, but he was struggling to pull himself up by Chan’s arms, so Chan helped him. 

“Jisung—”

“I’m so so sorry, Chan— I fucked up didn’t I? I totally ruined everything—” Jisung let go of Chan as soon as he was standing stably again and hid his head in his hands, stepping back. The younger looked like he was panicking and it worried Chan.

“Jisung— Sungie, listen— look at me.” Chan tried to come closer and get Jisung to show his face and look at him while still being gentle with the younger, but Jisung was resisting. “Jisung, please?”

Jisung now complied and slowly removed his hands from his face, but he was still leaning back with a frightened look. 

“You don’t have to act like it’s okay or like this didn’t totally ruin  _ everything _ .” The younger rambled and shook his hands and his head, scrunching up his face so that he didn’t have to look at Chan. “I get it if you just want to leave and wait for me to get over it—”

“Sungie, please calm down, I’m not—” Chan tried to get through and maybe hold Jisung’s hands, but Jisung still resisted, he didn’t seem to be aware of anything Chan was doing, only of his own panic, so Chan needed to think of another way to get through. 

“No, I’m sorry, you probably like someone else, I mean, you have loads of people who want to date you, why would you choose me? I don’t know what I was thinking, but—”

Chan couldn’t stand hearing Jisung talk himself down anymore, so he did the only thing he could think of to make the younger stop talking. He cupped Jisung’s cheeks and pulled him in for a kiss, Jisung’s words dying against his lips. 

It took a moment for Jisung to realize what was happening, for Chan it was an awkward moment where he was the only one participating in the kiss, but Chan was determined to get his message across. Eventually Jisung relaxed and began kissing him back lightly, placing his hands on Chan’s shoulders as if he was still hesitant about it, still processing it. 

Chan pulled back shortly to breathe, but Jisung was quick to chase his lips and slide his arms around Chan’s shoulders to more confidently kiss him, and Chan loved it. He let his arms fall down again to pull Jisung closer at the waist because he had discovered that he loved holding Jisung’s tiny waist.

The kiss was even better than last week because they now knew that the other wanted it too and they could go on as long as they liked. And Chan wanted to cherish and savor the sensation of kissing Jisung and Jisung kissing him back while trying to pull each other impossibly close. He wanted to savor the taste of Jisung’s lips and the feeling of Jisung’s fingers in his hair, so he deepened the kiss, which Jisung gladly accepted. 

When they pulled back after what felt like an eternity, both out of breath and with swollen lips, they couldn’t help but smile at each other. 

"I'm sorry for panicking on you and not listening just now." Jisung breathed and rubbed his neck.

"It's okay, I think I would've done the same— or, well, something similar." Chan chuckled and kissed Jisung's cheek to assure him and because he wanted to. "No more apologies. I like you for you and everything that comes with it." 

Jisung whined and hugged Chan tightly. "Be careful or I'll cry again." 

Chan laughed and squeezed the younger tight in return, relishing in the warmth that the hug and Jisung's own laugh gave. He felt incredibly happy, like he could explode from all the nice feelings. He felt Jisung tighten his grip as well and it turned into somewhat of a competition of who could squeeze the other the tightest. Chan was obviously winning with his long and strong arms around Jisung’s tiny waist while Jisung was trying to squeeze Chan’s wide shoulders, but Chan admired Jisung’s efforts and he was surprised that Jisung was withstanding Chan’s strength.

“Okay— kinda can’t— breathe anymore.” Jisung gasped and Chan let go with a chuckle.

“Sorry, you’re just cute.” Chan giggled and Jisung pouted.

“ _ You’re  _ the cute one.”

Chan almost choked on his spit at that comment, ears heating up.  _ Is he serious?  _ He had never thought anyone else beside Changbin would call him cute, and he wasn’t sure if it was a joke. 

“You think so?” He asked.

Jisung nodded with his big heart smile. “Yes! You’re cute when you get embarrassed or when you get a little awkward, and you kinda get embarrassed and awkward quickly.”

Jisung saying that made Chan even more embarrassed, but he knew that the younger was right about it. He could easily talk to strangers and make friends, but he was just awkward and embarrassed when people looked at him for too long, or gave him too much compliments, he just didn’t know how to handle that. 

“I’d even write another song about it, that’s how much it’s true.” Jisung continued and cheekily smiled at Chan’s red cheeks. 

“Gosh, stop it…” Chan whined with a half-chuckle and he guessed Jisung was more teasing when he was comfortable with people, but Chan didn’t mind it. He could tease Jisung right back if he wanted to, but not right now, because Jisung’s cheeky smile was too sweet. “Don’t exaggerate…”

“I’m not.” Jisung just grinned and pinched Chan’s cheek to emphasize his words. 

Okay, maybe Jisung wasn’t exaggerating, but Chan couldn’t really handle that information, and it wasn’t like Chan hadn’t basically begun on writing a song about how cute and lovely Jisung was. 

“Okay, but you’re cuter because I have actually written a song about it. Partially.” Chan shot back and was satisfied with Jisung's surprised reaction, his chubby cheeks turning red. 

“No, you didn’t.” The younger said in disbelief. 

"I actually did." Chan rubbed his neck. "It's a little embarrassing—" 

"Can I see?" Jisung asked, mood shifting from embarrassed and surprised to curious. "I showed you my song about you." 

Chan pressed his lips together, hesitating because it was really embarrassing, but he guessed it was fair to show him, and maybe it would help Jisung believe that Chan had feelings for him more if he didn't already.

"Okay." He said reluctantly and pulled out his phone to get the lyrics. "It's not finished and I only wrote lyrics, so…" 

Jisung accepted the phone and looked at the screen with wide eyes full of awe. His expression morphed into a softer one as his eyes roamed over the screen and eventually he whimpered and pouted at Chan, cheeks red again. 

"Chan… This is too sweet… It's actually embarrassing." 

Chan snorted and gave the younger a light push before taking his phone back. "I told you so." 

Jisung giggled before he gasped. "I just got an idea! What if we turn that into a sappy cliche love duet?" 

Chan almost choked again and looked at Jisung to see if he was kidding or not. Jisung looked back with a puzzled look which became worried soon after. 

"Too soon?— sorry, I'm totally overstepping  _ all  _ the boundaries and being way too keen—" 

"It's okay, Sungie." Chan chuckled and grabbed his hand to intertwine their fingers. It was fascinating to Chan to see Jisung switch between his careless, humorous and comfortable self, and his anxious, insecure and shy self. Chan thought Jisung was a beautifully complex person with seemingly contradicting sides which somehow fit finely together. Thinking about it made Chan want to write it down. 

"Okay, I just got more inspiration to write about you and, uhm— yeah, so if you were serious about that duet…" Chan rubbed his thumb over the back of Jisung’s hand and looked at the younger, who looked surprised, red cheeks not seeming to disappear, but Chan's cheeks and ears felt like they were warm since forever too, so he understood. 

"Yeah?" The younger asked, eyes sparkling. 

Chan nodded and couldn't hold back a wide smile. "Yeah." 

Jisung mirrored the smile and pulled him towards his laptop, telling him to make a shared document so they could work together and maybe already start thinking about a melody. 

They both found it embarrassing to just write about the other in front of the other, and they often burst out into laughter because of their embarrassment, but they also felt very warm, loved and appreciated reading what the other wrote, even if they were kind of exaggerating (but not really) for fun. 

They also both had plenty of inspiration so the lyrics were quickly finished and their teamwork on the melody was great as well. Chan thought he could work with Jisung just as well as with Changbin, and that was saying something. 

They also ordered some food to eat together because it was already getting well into the evening and they had forgotten about dinner— which was also saying something for Chan— and they didn't want their hangout-turned-date to end anytime soon. 

  
  


"I really, really had a great time, Jisung." Chan said as he helped Jisung clean up after dinner. He had laughed so much while making the song and before, during and after dinner that he was sure his abs would ache tomorrow. "This was way better than any party could ever be, we don't have to go out to have fun." 

Jisung chuckled and nodded. "I agree, although it doesn't take much for me to find something better than a party." 

Chan laughed and pulled the younger into his arms. "I'm still sorry about that." 

"No, don't be." Jisung shook his head and looked at him with a look Chan would almost call tender. "I got to kiss you, which helped me confess my feelings— or, rather blurt out that I wanted to kiss you again, and I wouldn't mind going out with you again." 

Chan chuckled and nuzzled their noses together, swaying them a little. 

"Well, I want to go out with you and kiss you again as well." He said and kissed Jisung's nose. "And again." He kissed his cheek. "And again." His other cheek. "And again." And finally he kissed Jisung's lips again, something he thought he wouldn't ever get sick of. 

They kissed slowly and sweetly until Jisung jumped because his phone vibrated in his pocket. 

"Ah, Hyunjin is asking if he has to arrange somewhere else to sleep or not." He laughed. 

"Hmm. I guess it's about time for me to go, huh? Unfortunately." Chan felt bittersweet about it. "But before I go, I still want to ask you something." 

"Hmm?" Jisung hummed and tilted his head in question. 

Chan held Jisung's hand and brought it up to his mouth to place a kiss on it, trying to ignore his own warm cheeks in anticipation. 

"Will you be my boyfriend, Jisung?" He whispered.

Jisung gasped and put a hand in front of his mouth. "Really? The one and only Bang Chan, who is wanted and loved by everyone, wants  _ me  _ as his boyfriend?" 

Chan whined in embarrassment and lightly pushed the younger. "I'm serious! And I'm not  _ that  _ popular." 

"You are, though." Jisung giggled and placed a kiss on Chan's cheek, but Chan saw Jisung's own red cheeks giving away that he had been affected by the question. The younger also got a little shy as he answered, "But yes, I will gladly be your boyfriend, Channie." 

Chan felt giddy like a teenager holding hands with their crush, but he didn’t care, he felt great and he was so relieved about everything that had happened today. He had managed to help Jisung with his anxiety over his relationship with him, and after clearing up any misunderstandings and insecurities, they had confessed their mutual feelings for each other. 

They had both been afraid that it might not work because they were too different, but with the right and enough communication, differences don't matter. Rather than that Chan and Jisung clashed, they complemented each other in the best ways, and Chan hoped that they would be able to open up each other's world to new things and views for a long time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end! Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed, so if you want, leave a comment with your thoughts!  
> I appreciate all kudos and comments <3
> 
> Btw, I'm working on the seungjin sequel for this now (it'll be part 2), so if you're interested, keep an eye out!

**Author's Note:**

> If you want, you can find me on [Tumblr](https://kokoskwark.tumblr.com/)  
> And on [twitter!](https://twitter.com/kokoskwark?s=09)


End file.
